I am a mom. And for the past 3 1/2 years that I have been able to claim the title, Mother, my relationship with my own mother has grown, changed, been analyzed, and appreciated more than it ever had been. I have an awesome mom. My mothering skills have got a looooong way to go before they can come close to those of my Mother's. She is selfless, kind, funny, gentle, smart. So smart. She is an angel. But one of the things I love most about my mother is her confidence. Not that she is overly confident or over-bearing in her confidence. But she was always confident in her self, sure of her self and her place in the world.
She taught me to be that way myself. And if there is one single thing that has impacted my life in all aspects, it has been that same confidence in myself, the confidence my mother taught me.
When I was little, I can remember watching my mom as she put on make-up and curled her hair. She was beautiful. I remember when she would come home after walking up and down the hill a couple times, and she would be covered in sweat, no make-up, no curled hair, and she was still beautiful. I can't remember how many times as a little girl I was told, "you look like your mom" or "you are beautiful like your mom" and I always believed them---Because Mom WAS beautiful. Beautiful and confident in herself. Beautiful because she was confident in herself.
During Christmas break of my Sophomore year of College, my mom told me she was going on a diet after the New Year. She wanted to loose 30+ pounds. "Why?" I asked. I had never seen my mom as anything but beautiful. No she wasn't a size 4, she was probably a 14, but it had never NEVER occurred to me that she needed to loose weight. She had always been about that size, and was still classy and beautiful and confident. Mom always seemed happy with herself. I don't remember her complaining about her weight once. So, why now, did she need to loose weight? In the nicest way possible she told me if I was ever the same size she was, I would want to loose weight too. And that simple explanation made sense to me. If I was her size, I would want to loose weight.
But my 19 year old self felt totally blind-sided my this. How come I never knew she wanted to loose weight? Why didn't she ever complain about her size? If you're unhappy with your body, you should complain about it, right?
Mom did loose those 30 pounds, and then some. And eight years later she had kept it off.
This is a pivotal story in my life, not because my mother taught me that if you put your mind to something you can accomplish it, but because she taught me NOT to complain about myself, my body, or my appearance to my children, and especially my daughters.
Women, girls, daughters. Most of us are going to deal with body image issues at some point in our lives. We are harassed at every turn with "get the body you've always wanted", beauty tips, hair chops, workouts, supermodels, etc., etc,(because obviously your body the way it is currently is not the body you want). My own stint with body image issues was short and sweet. Because of my mom.
One of the best gifts she ever gave me was loving herself, even if she didn't always love the way she looked, she still loved herself. And now, as a mom, I want nothing more than to teach my daughters that they are beautiful, that they need to love themselves. That they are capable, and smart, and that they don't need others' approval. A mother's example is powerful.
I love my body because of what it allows me to do each day. I love myself. And hopefully, my own daughter will learn to love their body and themselves through my example.
